Tuesday, 30 April 2013

He got down on one knee...

Granted, he was on one knee because the clumsy fool (that I am) managed to drop the scone I was holding jam-side-down onto the floor. So, he sprung down off his seat to get it for me. But whilst he knelt there with the ruby jewel of raspberry jam glistening at me I couldn't help but smile at the romantics of it all. That moment quickly faded when I realised I would have to decide what would be the correct scone etiquette: Do I scrape and reapply the jam or just ditch the scone altogether? Hey, I'm a single mum and I never know where my next meal is coming from! I scraped.

Lego man spanner helmetThis is a very significant month. It is the 1st Anniversary of my blog, and it is also the anniversary of when I first found 'The Swede' whilst trawling through randoms on an internet dating website. We've had a fantastic time over the last few months and I think he's starting to realise that he might actually be a little bit into me. For the first time he spent the whole weekend with both my son and I a couple of weeks ago. This was a massive show of trust on my part. I thought he would be overwhelmed by my son's insatiable curiosity and enthusiasm. I expected him to turn on his heels and sprint out of my life forever. However, he did well to humour him, and they found a common interest with Lego.

I like that I only see The Swede a few times a month. He gives me the space I need to stay on top of my life as a single mum. I need time to regroup and to get my house in order. Then the time I have with him is very much a small escape from reality so that I can be a better parent for my little boy.

Last month my boy turned 3 years old. I can no longer call him 'baby' (he doesn't like it), and he's been sleeping through the night for the last month without pull-ups and staying dry. I feel like I've entered into a comfortable place. We have our routine and I'm pleased with his progression. His personality is growing and he makes me laugh daily. Tonight's random line was, "Mummy, houses are built on 'some ment'."

Boy with red balloon
Happiness: A balloon and a fistful of cake.
It's been a year of lows, highs, juggling, upset and uncertainty. One of the recent highs was a trip down to Devon with my son a few weeks ago for my Great Aunt and Uncle's Ruby Wedding Anniversary. It was a great weekend that was a well-needed little holiday. My sister drunkenly stumbled into a neighbouring house and gave the owner a shock. My little cousin (just entering puberty) asked another cousin (in her 30s) if she'd like to sit on his knee during the photos. Finally, Nan talked obliviously during the speeches, and I had the same conversations repeatedly with my dear uncle with dementia who was (bless him) as equally enthusiastic about my answers to his questions each time I gave them. The lovely thing about family is that you will never truly be alone and there will always be someone there to inadvertently make you laugh. My son's input in the laughter department hit it's peak when he had an unfortunate dirty accident just as I'd got in the shower and squirted the soap in my hand.

I think I've done well to survive the first year as a single parent. It's now been more like 18 months, officially. I've managed to provide the basic needs for my child without allowing him to come to harm and without loosing my mind. I've come out of the other end feeling centred, happy, thinner, focussed and confident that I can do this.