Tuesday, 14 August 2012

The Sea Monster is merely a tadpole

Tadpole in a hand
The Sea Monster or Tadpole?
The Sea Monster kept me waiting for 45 minutes at a country pub whilst he ignored the directions I had given him, and instead followed his Sat Nav. Suffice to say, I was not overly impressed. I sat on a table in the garden playing Angry Birds. This is potentially the longest I've spent playing that game, and I was surprised at how strangely addictive it is. Not only did he frustrate me with his disregard for wasting my time, but he was also responsible for getting me hooked on one of the most annoying games on the planet.

To make it worse I was extremely tired and slightly hungover. I met up with some old school friends the night before for a BBQ, and stayed for the long run. I'm pretty sure I didn't make it to bed before 3am. So there I was, tired and hungry (two things guaranteed to make me grumpy), waiting for a guy who I really wasn't sure if I fancied anyway. The situation he had left me in had already started him off on the back foot for this, our second date. The low blood sugar and lethargy just exacerbated the situation.

He turned up in his 'pimp-mobile' - the low dark red Mercedes with the sheep shag carpets in the foot wells - and I watched him drive into the car park. He had a bent rather muscular right arm hanging out of the driver window, and he glanced towards the garden area (looking quite nice from a distance with his sunglasses on). For most people, sunglasses can make them look more attractive, even though without them they are really not. My first date with the Sea Monster was in a dark bar/restaurant, so I was very keen to see him in the cold light of day to decide if I did fancy him, or whether it was the Malibu's coconutty influence on the first date.

The cold light of day was unforgiving, to say the least. I think that, due to the tiredness, I couldn't muster up the energy to be polite enough to hide the disappointment on my face when he finally walked up to the table. With all the spark I could manage I switched on the 'lady' in me, and made a conscious effort to be polite and look interested for the remainder of the date.

With it being a hangover I ordered a nice greasy gammon egg and chips (with peas) and sat patiently waiting for it to arrive. I found my gaze wondering to other people in the room instead of him, and I was distracted by a woman who had the most infectious laugh I had ever heard. I just could not block her out, and I struggle now to think back to what we were even discussing because her laugh ruled our conversation in my head.

Slippery Peas
The food arrived and the peas came in a mini metal colander on the plate. I picked it up (it was the most exciting thing all day), and said how cute they were before promptly dropping the entire contents into my lap. Ordinarily, I would have flicked them back into the colander and moved on. However, these were scolding hot peas fresh out of the pan, and my mini denim skirt did little to cover my thighs. Ergo, I made some rather suggestive gasps as the peas burnt through my flesh, followed by desperately grabbing and scooping the little runners until they were back onto my plate. He handed me a napkin.

After my smooth performance we talked about more rubbish. As we had moved inside to eat I insisted we go back outside for coffee and 'fresh air'. In fact, all I wanted to do was sit with my sunglasses on and shut my eyes for a bit.

He texted me the following morning to ask how it was being back at work. I didn't reply immediately because I was busy, but I did respond to tell him it was, "Crazy here today". I worry that if the Sea Monster tries to contact me again I'll have to make my excuses as to why I don't want to see him anymore. I'm no good at knowing how to say that I'm not interested. It sounds so simple when you say it like that, but the reality is more hurtful.

So I continue to search online for a guy who'll make me laugh and can challenge me intellectually. The Sweet Swede will be returning from Sweden this evening, and has already texted me from the airport to see when he can next see me, which is positive. However, once again, I don't want to put all my eggs in one basket because I don't know what I want right now anyway.