Tuesday, 31 July 2012

What is love, and am I falling?

As I venture out on the dating scene and get to know a couple of guys more I've started to think about what kind of relationship I want out of life. My wants have changed from my criteria a few years ago. Society assumes that you will meet a guy, fall in love, get married and have children. OK, so I've done things in a random order, but I think that because of this I don't need a man to help me continue the blood line as I've been there and got the t-shirt. My criteria will not necessarily need to be based on mating compatibility and good genes at this point. It'll primarily be based on alternative attributes such as stability, humour, respect and the all important factor of acceptance of my little boy.
Girl and boy stick men
Girl loves boy

I've had a few dates with the Swede now, and I think things are going fairly well. However, I have also had my first date with the Sea Monster, and he returns from his trip to France next week. The Swede will be visiting Sweden soon so I won't be able to see him for another month. This gives me a chance to get to know the Sea Monster more, and for me to ascertain if he really is a contender.

Girl and boy stick men
Boy loves girl
Despite my doubts about the Swede not getting my sense of humour it's clear that he does, and has a fairly dry sense of humour himself.  Because I speak to both these guys on a regular basis I am beginning to form a fondness for both of them. Don't get me wrong, it's not a case of 'juggling'; They are both very aware that I am dating (as they are also), and so until the 'exclusivity' conversation arises I still have a bit of time.

Boy and girl stick figures
Finally compatibility
 This is great progression, of course, from my initial online dating experience, and I feel I have come on leaps and bounds. It's been a fantastic voyage of discovery about finding out what I want. After sifting through the weirdos on the website at the very start I couldn't possibly imagine I would be at the point where I would potentially have a couple of guys who were winners. They both offer very different plus points, and I should really think about what I want from a relationship right now. Do I want the slow progression of dating the Swede who lives an hour and a half from me, wants to pursue a career in acting (unsociable hours) and has a phobia of cohabiting and children (for now), but with whom I have incredible chemistry? Or, do I go for the dependable older man who is keen on marraige and kids who really makes me laugh, thinks a man should take care of a woman and regularly has a back, sack and crack wax?

Oh, and the other point is that I can wear heels with the Sea Monster but the Swede is an inch shorter than me.

I suppose what it comes down to is who I fall in love with. I can make all the logical decisions in the world. I can play the relationships through to completion in my head. However, I'm pretty confident that I am likely to fall in love with one of them.

What is love anyway? A chemical reaction in the brain? How is it that we find one person more attractive over another? The Urban Dictionary has some interesting definitions of love in which they describe love as euphoric, powerful and unconditional affection:
Two swans making a heart shape with their necks
It's when they're the last thing you think about before you go to sleep and when they're the first thing you think of when you wake up, the feeling that warms your heart and leaves you overcome by a feeling of serenity. Love involves wanting to show your affection and/or devotion to each other. It's the smile on your face you get when you're thinking about them and miss them.
Wikipedia describes falling in love as:
The use of the term "fall" implies that the process is in some way inevitable, uncontrollable, risky, irreversible, or that it puts the lover in a state of vulnerability, in the same way the word "fall" is used in the phrase "to fall ill" or "to fall into a trap". The term is generally used to describe an (eventual) love that is strong, although not necessarily permanent.
Wikipedia makes it sound like a bad thing. Maybe it is. Maybe I should just date and not get into relationships, only to be hurt or fall out of love later down the line.

What ever will be, will be. I am moving in 5 weeks and need to find somehwere to live, so those thoughts will have to be pushed to the back of my mind. I have a couple of viewings tomorrow so hopefully I'll find something suitable. Then it's time to pack, sell my shed, do a car boot to get rid of yet more stuff, find storage options for the rest of my junk and also have some fun with my little boy whilst I'm on annual leave.

No time for love. Sorry. However, I could do with the regular foot rubs that love promises. Especially after yesterday's boot camp!

One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: That word is love.

Heart drawn on a steamy window

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