Thursday, 10 May 2012

Two full time jobs and the Gentle Giant

There is nothing more infectious than a child's giggle.

The hardest thing is trying to keep a straight face when my son giggles and he knows he's being a little monkey. After I put him to bed tonight and went downstairs he jumped out of bed, and his little (big for his age) feet thudded along the landing to the stair gate. I only had to tell him sternly once to get back into bed and he ran back to his room giggling, and then....silence. He is definitely responding to the new bedtime routine! It's such a huge relief to know that I won't have to sit up with him late into the night. I can start to get some decent sleep and the rest of our lives will be unaffected by exhaustion.

I work full time. It's a pretty hectic role day-to-day but I enjoy it and the company knows how to treat it's staff like adults, which is a rarity.  When I pick my son up from nursery and find out what great fun he's been having and what new words he's learnt it's really difficult not to resent myself for not being able to spend that time with him instead of at work.

Don't get me wrong, the nursery is superb and my boy loves the staff and spending time there. However, there will always be a little pang of guilt in the back of my mind that I am leaving him to be cared for by someone else. I am not sure if this feeling is my internal motherly instinct, or a subconscious fear of being judged by those who believe the mother should be at home with the children (a rather out-dated view, I feel).


The truth is, in order to keep up with the world and the fact that everything costs money, even when I wasn't single I went back to work. I was with my son for 9 months and I wouldn't have changed that time for the world. However, towards the end of that period I was starting to miss interacting with adults. I felt I could define myself as being more than a mum. I felt that I was missing out on career developments, and that I would get left behind if I didn't get back into the rat race.

So here I am, juggling. I know that I am not the first, nor will I be the last. I only have one child and I cannot imagine how incredibly challenging it must be for those with more than one. I know a few single parents and many inspirational woman in the same situation as me including two very strong single mothers I know very well. They were superb role-models for me growing up, and they are both strong, confident women who seem un-phased by most things. They both work for themselves, and both are now happily re-married. Yes it's a stressful situation and yes, sometimes it feels that the world can be against you and that you're being attacked from all angles. However, I know (and have seen) that any difficult situation is only temporary and there's always a way to move forward.

Talking of picking things up and moulding the pieces into something new; I've finally been asked out on a date. It's been four years since I've been on one and so it's even more terrifying than the telephone call I had with the Sweet Swede. What do I wear? I don't want to have too much cleavage because we're supposed to be playing pool...but then, I don't want to disappoint either. Do I wear my hair down? Do I wear contacts or glasses? Do I wear minimalist make up or vamp it up? What if we don't get on? Should I have an excuse ready in case I want to leave? What if he tries anything....?

The date is on Sunday. The guy is 'The Gentle Giant'. A 6'6" guy who's cute and built like a freight train. I'll make sure to give my whereabouts to a couple of girlfriends. I kind of like the idea that he could probably pick me up with one arm. It definitely appeals to know he could if he wanted to! Typically, I've got a spot developing on my right cheek. So I will be sticking to a very strict cleansing routine over the next few days in order to ensure I'm fresh-faced for Sunday.

They say you need to go on dates with 7 guys on average through online dating to find a match. I don't know if I could handle the anticipation 6 more times so lets hope I don't fluff it this time around!

2 comments:

  1. I dont think you should feel any guilt about working as in the long run it makes you a more rounded person, better mum and most children actually like the social aspect of being at nursery. if you have taken everys stap to ensure that the nursery is good and he is well cared for - there is no need for guilt. I think you are doing a fantastic job and I love the Blog! Enjoy the date.

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  2. Best of luck for Sun, just look your usual lovely self, casually hot but not vampish! desired effect cool and fun loving. Have fun and don't take it too seriously. Toothpaste on spots work well :0) xxxx

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