Monday, 14 May 2012

Toddler mischief and a failed first date

Two things: Firstly, my son's bedtime has improved dramatically, and secondly, I'm just 2lbs off my 5% weight loss through Weight Watchers!

Hoorah! It's a good start to the week after an action-packed weekend.

Last night my son was acting out so I tried to pay him as much positive attention as possible to detract from his monkey-behaviour. His mischief mostly involved liquids of some kind. He knocked my drink over first, trying to drink it (of course). Then, he found a water bottle I had just bought, unscrewed it (I didn't even realise he had the dexterity) and emptied the entire contents onto the carpet under the dining table. He peed on the floor three times (right next to his potty). When he was in the bath he threw his soaking flannel and a jug full of water out of the bath. Finally he dragged my towel off the back of the bathroom door and took it in the bath with him.

Where was I? I hear you ask. I was there, trying to react calmly to his lightening speed, blink-and-you'll-miss-it behaviour. On the plus side, his behaviour at bedtime the last couple of nights has been incredible. He stayed in his bed last night and I had to wake him up this morning at 7.30am! I finally have my bed to myself.

Saturday day time was spent shopping with a friend, mostly for some confidence-boosting underwear. We went into Ann Summers where we were subjected to a rather aggressive and uncomfortable sales pitch from an over enthusiastic sales person who knew far too many of the products intimately. That evening was a great opportunity to catch up with some old friends at the 30th birthday of a friend I haven't seen for about 4/5 years. She was just as stunning as she was when I last saw her and hadn't aged a bit!

The night ended with my (other) friend - whom I was staying with for the weekend - falling asleep on the landing. I had to pick her up to drag her into bed, fully clothed. She fought me saying, "I AM in bed." I'm pretty sure the carpet fluff stuck to your face says otherwise.

What's happened to chivalry?
My date on Sunday was a disaster. I'd been texting The Gentle Giant all week and getting quite excited about the long-awaited first date. Unfortunately, I was setting myself up for a fall! Firstly, I discovered that he was German and I couldn't understand a word he was saying. I should have listened to my mum who told me to speak to him on the phone before agreeing to meet, in case he had a weird voice. She actually put on a really high-pitched squeaky voice, "What if he talks like this", but I think that not being able to understand him falls into the same sort of category.

I sat across the table from him and could smell is aweful breath and Eau de Man-Sweat. He picked his nose in front of me and burped. Girls take a lot of effort planning outfits and make up etc. It took me a couple of days to make sure I was completely happy with my aesthetic choices before the date. He didn't even say how nice I looked! Surely that's just polite?

My date spent the whole two hours talking about himself. The only time he found out anything about me was when I offered the information in amongst his anecdotes. I know all his friends names, where they went on holiday and the history of how they know each other. I know about his family, his car and that he doesn't see the point of gay marriage. After making my excuses for half an hour we said our goodbyes, and I haven't spoken to him since. I don't think my hangover helped the situation as I was pretty sure I kept doing the 'nodding dog' whilst trying to listen to him drone on.

I must share an email I received from a guy who originally put a very nice looking photo of 'himself' on the online dating website. It then transpired that the picture wasn't him at all and that he was older, heavier and a different race! Please bear this dishonesty in mind when reading his email to me (I felt I must include the whole thing). See how many contradictions you can spot throughout:

My name is [name] i saw your profile and became interested in you,i just read your profile and you are open and I can say I have never read a profile of that honesty and so full of positivity.It was refreshing,i hop you like the depth of my email,i have chose to reveal so much about my self to you.Honestly is very important to me as i believe you cannot build trust without it.that is all real and im being true to myself and to you.i live in South London and work in the City.I have been on here since june and been on two dates one she was a definate no no and the second she was onlyinterested in one thing which was ashame for here as she seemed to be a nice women,so goes to show how wrong one can be.None the less i am ever the optimistic and still believve"she"is out there somewhere,i just need to find her.ijust read your profile You have taken my breath away and Iam left speechless and trust that does not happen too often.So where have you been hiding yourself?if you read my profile your see that i m looking for my better im single now have been for the past year.which makes it that much harder to write this message.sure your understand where im at.i really need to get off this site and i only hope u will b the one to break this spell i would like to hear much about you.I am looking for a long term relationship,but looking to take things slow,as not long come out of a relationship.From reading your profile I see we are maybe searching for the same thing.why would someone as beautiful as you be in need of using a dating site,has the world gone crazy.i read your profille im really impressed.andi would love to chat a little and get to know a little bit about you,so if you fancy a chat get bk to is really difficult to find a women with all of those qualities.I have no preconceptions about you,who you are or what you looking forward to meeting you and finding out about you.Discovery can be a lot of fun:)iwould like to talk to you!iwant to know your rather be penniless but with you around that mean the is in the inside and u certainly have got all that.if u are who u say you are than my search stops right now.i have been searchin on here for a one week and no-one has been suitable.i have been a very patient man,they say all good things comes to those who wait and i think mine has finally come .everything i want in a woman is in you.i hope this is all for real because a woman like u is hard to find.I must say that you realy got my kind with a good-heart,I do wear my heart on my sleeve and do express how I feel about certain viewpoints.Iam a man who just wants to love U and be loved by U.To share my life with U as well as share and participate in your life.I am looking for that emotional connection with U.I was born and raised by my mother and my grandmother.They both instilled as well as ingrained in me to be there for emotionally for that special someone thats you right now. A lot of man do not or was never taught to have that intimacy with a women. A lot of women think intimacy is ONLY sex, I certainly don't, was NOT raised to be like that. Intimacy ,for me,issharing those feeling, thoughts, emotions, making and spending quality time with you.[phone number].i will also like to know you more, i want you to send a Message to my Email Address so that i will give you my picture for you to know whom i am. Here is my Email Address [email address] i have good reason for contacting you which i will tell you latter,ibelieve we can move from here.iwant to bee your good friend.have realy take the time you to paint a picture of my self for you.By doing so,ihave already set my self apart from the rest.

Oh dear.

What do I reply to that?! One half of me says, "Bless him, just a lost soul in need of some love". The other side of me is nervous that any kind of response will make him assume there is a glimmer of hope and that I am interested in him. Probably best to leave it?

I did have a phone call from the Sea Monster and he seems like a pretty nice guy. He told me a horror story of a date he had with a Lithuanian girl who (on the second date) brought along a list of things she wanted him to buy her. Included on the list was a laptop, HD TV and a Nissan Duke. She had also asked how big his house was, and whether it was big enough for her parents to come over to live in.

I also had a chat with the Sweet Swede again tonight and we've agreed to meet up at the weekend. It seems that my fear that I might be a bit weird for him were quashed tonight when I realised that he is potentially just the same (in a good way, of course). Again, trying not to get too excited. I do not feel as nervous about dates any more after popping the proverbial date 'cherry' with the Gentle Giant. I am actually quite looking forward to just chatting and having a laugh. I just hope the weather's nice so that we can go for a walk around the lake. Only five sleeps to go....

1 comment:

  1. Congratulations on the weight loss!!! Nitemare of a first date, but you sometimes have to kiss a few frogs to find your prince charming lol!! definite NO!! to responding to weirdo 'you are my soulmate'. Brilliant news on the sleep front keep up the good work. :0) xx