Tuesday, 1 May 2012

Power-walking, disappearing undies and exhilarating microwaving


I ran through a similar stretch of
 path but when I hit this particular
 part  I turned around to find another
 route because I'd forgotten my snorkel.
Before implementing the 'stay-in-your-bed-and-I'll-check-on-you-in-a-minute' routine (which I've been successfully doing for the past few nights with my toddler) I had the chance to go for a run around the local lake, which was great. The sun was out for the first time in a few days, although a few of the paths were flooded. Running through the water was strangely exhilarating until I realised I would have to wash my trainers when I got home.

I over-took (what I can only assume was) a couple. They had obviously been running for a while as he was clearly exhausted. His arms were too heavy for him, and he was doing a ridiculous ape-type run with his arms down by his sides (which, surely just makes it more difficult to run?) She was wearing rather tight cropped trousers and a rather tight - perhaps painfully so - pair of knickers underneath. As I passed them I suddenly became very aware of my own behind which suddenly felt very jiggly and I wondered if I, like her, had four bottom cheeks squeezed into my trousers. I also wondered whether my behind, again like hers, had also munched a third of my trouser fabric and was well on its way to desert. This was incentive enough for me to pick up the pace and move quickly out of site to run in peace without feeling eyes on me. I felt sorry that her significant other hadn't said, "Love, I think maybe you should reconsider your underwear choice."

Guys seem to think that girls just want to hear that they look good. Far from it. I'd rather a guy told me I looked ridiculous/fat/over-dressed/under-dressed than for me to go out in public and laughed at/pitied/ridiculed.

I turned a corner and wafted yet another cloud of gnats out of my face just as 'Baby Got Back' started playing on my iPod. Now normally, I would just rap along quite happily as I ran. However, the timing couldn't have been more perfect, because a small lady was ahead of me power-walking to the very same beat of the song. This was a bottom-concious woman. She had strategically tied a jacket around her waist in order to detract from the exsentuated bottom shake you get from power-walking. In fact, her attempts of disguise only drew attention to the moving target. Again, another burst of speed to over-take her was needed with a strong will not to giggle as I passed.
A family of the Queen's own.
I wonder if their babies sleep OK?

As I ran, I thought about my current running outfit, and wondered if I would ever take the plunge and buy that tight-fitting stuff that toned and professional athletes wear. I think for the safety of the general public - and the old folk with the weak tickers who walk their dogs around the lake - it's probably best I don't.

I've come home and eaten a low fat microwave meal. It was one of those which says 'cook for 3 minutes, then agitate and cook for 3 more minutes. What? If you look up 'agitate' in a thesaurus you get the following alternate suggestions:

- Disturb
- Trouble
- Excite
- Rouse
- Disconcert
- Toss around

If there were any of the above going on it would be a much more exciting evening. They've even tried to make microwaving exhilarating now. What'll be next? - Exacerbate the eggs before adding them to the pan?

Who'd have thought that every day tasks could be so much fun?!

3 comments:

  1. Very funny, keep up the good work, sorry u had to restart bedtime training, keep strong it will really work if you persevere. :0) xxx

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