Wednesday, 16 May 2012

Nutritionally challenged

The less you want to think about something (or someone) the more you seem to think about it/them. Today I am obsessing over two things. Firstly, the Sweet Swede has been at the forefront of my thoughts after he asked me out this weekend. Once again, I can hardly contain my excitement. I just hope I'm not setting myself up for a fall and have another complete flop of a first date!

The second obsession at the moment for me is food. Trying to stick to Weight Watchers religiously is like trying to lick my own elbow. I have been fortunate (or unfortunate for my diet) to have a rather full social calender over the last few weeks, and alcohol and rich food are high in Weight Watchers points. I pigged out at lunch time on a jacket potato with lots of cheese and four slices of Parma Ham. Mmmmm. Just typing it makes me drool.

One of my main motivators which keeps me on the straight and narrow is dating. My pictures on my online dating profile all paint me in the best light. I just need to make sure that the image in the flesh meets expectations.

After finally making a concious decision to loose the baby weight I feel that I have made excellent progress in terms of reconditioning the way my brain thinks about food.

I could murder a burger
I do feel hungry quite a lot of the time, but because you're allowed to eat food you shouldn't in moderation then the temptation to binge is reduced significantly. There are times when I just forget to eat (I blame parenthood for that). The weight is dropping off me at an alarming rate. I hit my 5% today and have set my goal now to 10%. Last year I lost 2 stone over the course of the year, and the plan is to loose some more a lot quicker. I tried to avoid having my photo taken when I was at my biggest, which is a shame because it's rare to find a photo with my son and I in his baby years. Certainly when I had just had him I refused to have my photo taken because I felt like a whale.

I blame a combination of factors for my weight gain. First and foremost was pregnancy. However, I was heavier before I got pregnant than I am now. I could then also blame stress, tiredness, alcohol (I used to drink a lot of beer) and just lifestyle in general. It sometimes looks like the easier option to order a takeaway or eat junk when you don't have the energy to make anything yourself. Especially when you have a young demanding (normal) child. You put his needs first and worry about yours second.

I had a prawn and salmon salad for tea which my son tried. He had a little of each component: prawns, salmon, lettuce, tomato, raw red onion, cucumber and lemon. He used the cucumber purely as a spoon for the pot of mayonnaise which came with it. Everything else he tried he spat out in disapproval, but funnily, kept going back for more raw onion.

I'm definitely on the straight and narrow now. My clothes are getting too big for me and the chubby stomach has almost gone completely. I've lost 4.5cm from my waist since I started 4 weeks ago. I can see how people who do Weight Watchers maintain the weight loss because it definitely makes you more conscious of what you are putting in your mouth.

I'm not completely naive to think it's right for everybody. Some people are so comfortable in their own skin that they don't need to adjust something that works for them, and I admire that. All I know is that I was skinny at school, I hit my early twenties and my metabolism became dormant. My infatuation for food stayed constant, my activity declined and my waistline (and jowls) inflated.

The prospect for me potentially meeting a guy and getting to that awkward moment when I might have to show flesh terrifies me. You can't help but feel damaged after having a child, and I don't think anything can ever prepare you for the different body you end up with. You've lived with your body for years, and already made your peace with it through those awkward puberty years. You know what it's supposed to look like, and having a baby changes it in ways where it will never be the same again. To a degree, I can learn to embrace these changes, and I know that there are certain things I will have to live with. However, equally, there are other things which I can control.

This could be the little confidence booster I need to make that step as and when an intimate moment arrives.


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